Still Have All of Me
by Blue Rosed Dragon
Summary: Repost - The war is over and everyone should be happy, right? Then why does Draco feel as though he's lost? Will he be able to survive his pain or join the one he loves in eternity? Ch. 4 Up!
1. My Immortal

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**_Disclaimer:_**  I'm not getting into it right now…..

**_Warning:_**  None that I know of yet…

**_Rating:_**  Only PG-13 for language ((_will only change if reviewers request it…_))

**_Pairings:_**  H/D/Hr (_main pairing, but won't be till near the end…), Hr/R, H/OC, GW/BZ, SS/RL, SB/RL (_mentioned…_) ((_you all don't like the pairings, don't read.  other wise, I encourage you!!!_))_

**_Feedback:_**  Would Love It!!!!!!!

**_AN:_**  Ok ppl, I just wanted to say this b/4 you all continue on with reading this story.  This is a repost (as most of you can figure out by now…).  I took down my last version of this b/c as I was reading over it I found so many mistakes that, to me, it had to be fixed.  I didn't have a beta when I first started this story, so I never had anyone to help me out with it.  But since I do now, I figured I'd have this story fixed up and bit.  I hope it's better.  Thx for the patience everyone!

**_Ps Note:_**  This first chapter isn't changed around too much cuz there wasn't much that I found that was too bad.  Just thought you'd all like to know that…

**_Still Have All of Me:_**  _My Immortal_

Warm lips brushed against cool ones.  Savoring the taste as two tongues grazed one another, relishing in the moment of desire.  Two tanned hands held the pale face in place, as to not lose this sensation, and burning it into both owner's memories and souls.  But as the raven-hair figure realized what he was doing, he quickly pulled back, his hands falling to his sides as both individuals attempted to catch their breath.

"I'm sorry…" mumbled the emerald eyed boy as he stared into the deep icy depths of his companions eyes.  "I… I shouldn't have….. I should go…"  Harry made an attempt to leave, but as he reached the door knob, he was stopped by the other's voice.

"Harry!"  Harry was puzzled by the use of his first name, but turned to look at the gorgeous blonde, who took a deep breath before continuing.  "… Be careful out there… you know, when you leave to fight…. I know how they work.  I don't…"

Harry smiled at Draco.  "Thanks… Draco.  I will."  And he opened the door…and left…………………

**_//Draco's POV//_**

I shook my head as the recollection passed through my blurred memory.  I blinked my eyes, driving away the intruding remembrance as I made an attempt to focus on my fuzzy and dreary surroundings.  Taking in the visions that my eyes provided for me as the exhausted residents walked around in confusing and hopeless manners, attempted to look for others in which they were hoping would still be alive.

…And I just stood there.  Just looking at everyone.  Just looking at the _damage_ of everyone.  The way they all looked, with beady eyes and worn out faces.  Almost like they were dying.  We all watched silently as the headmaster, who looked a little more worse for the ware than usual, walked in and told us all the news we were waiting almost impatiently to hear…

… And we finally did.  It was over! The war was _finally_ over… But then why does it seem like it all just began?  Why does it feel like I lost something and that it would be back to haunt the rest of us for all eternity?  Why won't the feeling just go away...

What weren't they telling us?

Then it hit me… Where was he?  Why wasn't he here?!  _He's_ the hero of this outfit, so why in the _bloody hell wasn't he here!?_  …And I didn't want to know the answer.  Not the outcome of everyone's worst fears.  Please God, don't let what I am thinking be true.  Let the _bastard_ be alive.  Please let him be living so we can continue our torturous ways to each other, and celebrate that this dumbass war was over.  That we won!  _Please_... don't let him be dead……

**~*~ I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone ~*~**

"Well," began the weary headmaster, the only gleam left in his eyes were those of a wet tear.  But from what was the question.  Happiness?  Or sadness?  "We can finally say that this war is over.  We can celebrate the fact that we are still alive.  That we made it without losing too many of our men and women who fought courageously, like true wizards and witches of this world…"  Most of the others weep with joy and leaped in the air with ecstatic happiness, others continued to stay in their seat, seemingly lost in their own world.  Me?  I continued to stand there, looking straight at the old professor, knowing that somehow the worst was yet to be spoken.

"Some of us lost the people we loved most."  He paused for a moment here, looking down Granger with sadness.  She had lost her fiancée, Ron Weasley, in the fight by saving her life.  No doubt she was blaming herself for his death as Fred and George Weasley attempted to console her, which seemed to be working for the time being.  "Others may have just barely gained back what they cherished most."  Once again, he paused, taking quick glances around at the people who held their loved ones close to them.  Most being severely injured, but would heal none the less.  "And some of us entered this war with nothing, and left with everything… But most of use will never forget who had died in this fateful war.  The people who fought so hard to protect what we all believed in.  People like Mr. Ronald Weasley, Mr. Seamus Finnigan, Mr. Terry Boot, Ms. Eleanor Branstone, Ms. Lisa Turpin… and to those of you who are wondering why he is not here… H… Har…"

**~*~****These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase ~*~**

I must have looked like a complete and utter mess at this point for I could barely hold back the screaming that suddenly wanted to occur.  I didn't want to hear what he was about to say.  I just wanted to run away.  Run away from the agony that I knew was going to happen.  I just wanted to yell at him "STOP!"  But nothing would come out.  So instead, I stood there, just listening to the tragic news of the raven-haired boy that had been known as "_the-boy-who-lived"…_

Taking a curt cough to control himself somewhat, he began to continue on what was so hard to say.  "Mr. Harry Potter, our savior to the end of this war, was found dead after a search party was sent out for him."

The room suddenly quieted, and in that moment, everything seemingly hit me like a dead weight in my chest.  Growing increasingly as my breath hitched slightly.  I looked at the floor, but my ears still continued to listen to the saddened Dumbledore, wanting to know as much as he would give about the now gone Harry Potter.

"He died bravely." I clenched my eyes shut.  "He died saving most of the people he considered his friends…"  I didn't want to see anything but the blackness that seemed to spread throughout my frame of mind "… his family…"  The urge to cry became agonizing.  "…even some of his enemies…"  Please God, make him stop.  "… And for this, he shall always be in our memories…"  When will the feeling of betrayal end?

**~*~ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me ~*~**

"But he did leave one thing…"  This quickly caught my attention, so I looked up.  And as I did so, I noticed his eyes were on me.  This somewhat confused me, but I stayed quiet, waiting almost impatiently once again for what he was about to say.  "Mr. Malfoy, could you come here for a moment?"

I felt my mouth open, but when nothing came out, I just nodded my head and walked up to him.  And truthfully, I felt awkward because I knew everyone was watching me with such confusion about me being called on Potter's behalf that it seemed to burn its way through the back of my skull.  But I attempted to ignore it as I stood before Dumbledore, waiting for what I was wanted for.  Maybe to be blamed for his death since it was _I_ who had warned everyone?  Maybe because he wanted to give me a few snood remarks and curse me for it?... Or maybe he could somehow see the remorse that I was horribly locking away until I was on my own…

"Draco," he started quietly, to the point where the others had to lean in to hear what he was saying, "Harry did have one thing that he held in his hands.  It… It was addressed to you."  My eyes widen once more.  And my throat seemed to tighten as the sudden threat of tears sprang across my eyes.  "We all figured that you deserved to have it.  Sort of as his own last request, even if he wasn't alive to say it to us."

**~*~ You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me ~*~**

The old professor held out his hand.  And within his grasps was the letter he was speaking of.  And, with bated breath and shaky hands, I slowly reached out my hand and took it in my own.

"You may read it whenever you please, Mr. Malfoy.  And if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to talk to me."

I nodded my head slowly, looking down that the words "**_Draco Malfoy_" written across the front in Potter's careful cursive.  My thumb carefully traced my name, the tears seemingly impossible to ignore and almost unfeasibly hard to control.  And for some unknown reason, I held my breath.  I wasn't sure if I could take anymore than what I had already learned.  But no matter how many times I said to myself, "_No, don't read it.  It'll only make things worse," I couldn't help but wonder what the last words Potter wanted to say to me were.  So, instead of walking away, I continued to stand there as I slowly opened the letter.  My fingers trembling as I tore the lion seal.  '__Always the Gryffindor…'_**

  
**~*~ These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase ~*~**

What I found just seemed to break my heart.  The words read:

**_Dear Draco,_**

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**_I know this may seems strange.  You know, me writing you a letter and everything.  But I guess I just needed to tell you something without actually being there, all awkward and most likely beet-red in the face because of my embarrassment.  So I figured, "_What the hell!_" and decided to go along with this.  I just hope it works…_**

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**_So, getting straight to the point…_**

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**_Look Draco, I'm never sure how to say these things considering I was never good at confessing how I felt to other people.  You could call it my weakness.  And if I'm sounding confusing, forgive me.  I'm just really nervous.  So, coming straight with it now… Do you remember that time, just before the major part of this war started, that I… um… well, kissed you?  And I said that it was accidental and that I never meant anything by it?_**

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**_Well, truthfully, I lied…_**

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I opened my mouth slightly, the tears burning my eyes as I blinked them away.  '_Why didn't you tell me, Potter?'_

**_I know you're probably reading this and saying "_What are you?!  Psycho?!_"  But truthfully, I'm not.  I meant to do what I did because, well… I liked you.  And yes, I still do, even now.  I wasn't sure when this happened, but after we started to become friends, somehow my feelings changed.  And I wasn't sure of your sexual preference, so I never said anything about it.  And when I kissed you… I wasn't thinking straight and boy did I ever bitch myself out for it afterwards.  But somehow, I never regretted it.  I just wish you could reciprocate these feelings back to me._**

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**_So, I'm offering this, after I give this note to you and you read it, I'll give you a proposition.  This proposition is, let's continue to be friends, and if possible, more.  But it's your choice.  I won't make you try anything you don't want to.  I just wish for a chance is all.  Even if nothing comes out of it at the end, I could at least say that we attempted.  And that I probably enjoyed every moment of it.  So all I ask is that you consider it and give me your answer later… Please, just think about it.  It's all I want…_**

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**_But if you refuse, I understand.  And I'm sorry for wasting your time like this.  I just had to get it all out and tell you while I still had the chance.  And thanks for at least taking the time to read this and listen to what I had to say… I love you, Draco.  Seriously, I do.  And I hope that I always will.  So thanks again for listening to me, Draco.  I appreciate it.  And I hope to talk to you soon.  Goodbye, Draco!_**

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**_Love Always,_**

**_Harry Potter_**

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**~*~ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me ~*~**

After reading the letter, I just held onto it, my eyes closed as the fight to hold back my unwanted tears was near a loss.  I heard footsteps come up behind me, and I could almost sense it was Granger because of the quiet sniffling and the gentle hand that grasped my shoulder.  And just feeling that hand made my control break as I fell to my knees and my tears finally succeeded as they fell smoothly from my eyes, still clutching Potter's note within my fingers.  I felt Granger kneel down beside me as she wrapped her arms around me, whispering things that I could barely even hear to begin with.  And I was thankful for her presence because I didn't want to be alone.  Not now.  Not when I lost the only thing that ever said he loved me… That I ever really loved back.

"Why?" I asked in a whisper, not even realizing I was saying it out loud.  "Why did you leave me, Harry?  You were supposed to live.  You were the **_God Damn hero_!  You… you… you weren't supposed to die…"**

And then I couldn't say anymore.  I instead just sat there in Granger's arms, crying dreadfully as the others around us watched in remorse as new tears found their way through the other's eyes.  Granger slowly rocked us back and forth, her arms tightening around me as her own tears fell from her eyes as the thought of losing her best friend and fiancée in this damn war.  My arms found themselves around her, trying its best for as much support as they could find while giving as much back.

**~*~ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have  
All of me ~*~__**

"Damn you, Potter!"  I silently screamed as I buried my face in Granger's hair.  "_Damn_ you for being the hero!... _Damn_ you for being a Gryffindor!..... _Damn_ you for being… _you_… I _hate you, Potter!  I _hate_ you and yet I _love_ you at the __same fucking time!!!"  My voice grew as my anger increased.  "Why the _fuck _did you have to _go_!?  _I told_ you to be fucking careful and you… _You didn't even listen to me!  Why, Potter?!  Why?!  I loved you so fucking much!  And you couldn't even fucking listen to me! I should fucking hate you!!!..._" My voice went quiet again so that it was almost a whisper as I finished my last sentence.  "But I_ can't…_"_

The room was silent at my sudden outburst that was so "_UnMalfoy", but I didn't care.  I didn't care about anything… Not anymore.  "I lost one of the things that I was fighting to protect and keep in this world…" I began to tell Granger, not caring whoever heard.  "And I lost it all… All just because I had the _audacity_ to be the _fucking_ hero and tell him and everyone else that Voldemort was coming…._

"It's not your fault, Draco…"

"But it is, Hermione."  Great, first name basis.  At least we're one step closer to not killing each other.  "Don't you understand?  If it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive!  He would be here and…"

"No, Draco!  That's just it, he wouldn't!  He would still be dead, just like the rest of us!"  She lifted my face from her hair so that I was looking into her eyes now.  She still had tears running down, probably just like mine.  "If you hadn't had said something, Harry would still be dead, as well as you, me, and everyone else.  Don't you see?  Harry did this to protect everyone, including you… He died saving most of the people he ever cared about, considered family… and _loved_.  Which includes you in this more than anyone else, Draco.  You were one of the few things he ever had left before Voldemort attacked.  And if he had a choice to do it over again or just sit out and watch everyone die around him, he would choose his first option quicker than you could ever comprehend what he said…

**~*~ I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along ~*~**

"He _loved_ you, Draco.  As well as everyone else who now stands in this room.  If everyone had died, he would be berating himself like crazy and die no matter what, even if it wasn't by the Dark Lord."  She ran a hand through my hair in a comforting manner, but her eyes never left mine.  "He's never going to leave us, Draco.  He never has.  He's still in our hearts, and he always will be.  And we'll meet up with him again… Just not now.  Just remember that, Draco.  And never forget… That's the only thing you can do."

I just looked at her, feeling fresh tears fill my eyes at the thought of never having Harry here with me.  Hermione saw this and drew me into her arms again.  And as she held me, I could almost feel two other warms arms wrap around me, but nothing was there except the cool air that surrounded us…

… And this is how we stayed for next couple of hours before we were sent to a different room to continue to mourn. 

**~*~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me ~*~**

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End of Chapter 1

**_AN:_**  K, the chapter one of my repost.  If I get enough reviews, I'll try to update again either tomorrow or after Christmas.  K, everyone?  Thx!

~~~ Blue Rosed Dragon  @};-


	2. Away From Me

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**_Disclaimer:_**  Do I seriously have to say it?  I'm too tired.......

**_Warning:_**  None that I know of yet...

**_Rating:_**  Only PG-13 for language ((_will only change if reviewers request it…_))

**_Pairings:_**  H/D/Hr (_main pairing, but won't be till near the end…), Hr/R, H/OC, GW/BZ, SS/RL, SB/RL (_mentioned…_), D/Hr ((_you all don't like the pairings, don't read.  other wise, I encourage you!!!_))_

**_Feedback:_**  Would Love It!!!

**_AN:_**  K, here's the 2nd chapter of my repost.  Hope you all like the first chapter.  In this chapter you get to find out what's all going on and in the next, it'll be goin' into more detail with what everyone's been up to since the war ended.  Hope you all like this chapter, enjoy!

**_Ps Note:_**  In this chapter, there were A LOT of mistakes, which kinda makes me happy that I reposted this story.  For all of you ppl who have read this story already and kinda some differences with the last story in comparative to this chapter, you all know why.  But I hope you like it just as much as last time.  Thx!

**_Still Have All of Me:_**_   Away From Me_

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**_//Harry's PoV//_**

Well, here I go... As the saying goes, "_Here goes nothing!"  I'm finally free... I hope.  I don't really think I could go back now, not now.  Even if I wanted to.  I left for a reason, and I'll uphold myself to my promise that I made and make sure that it's never broken or provoked as long as I can.  I'm confusing you, aren't I?  Well, I suppose I should start from where it will make sense..._

It all started one day, when I was sitting in the Astronomy Tower, just looking over the landscape of Hogwarts.  It was quiet, which was no surprise considering it was near six in the morning.  I had another of those horrid nightmares that Voldemort seemed to have sent me on a regular basis.  Whether it was purposeful or not, I will never know.  All I knew were the horrendous images that would never leave my head, for as long as I lived.  They were my eternal nightmares, I guess.  Not even the dreamless sleep potions were working for me anymore.  Quite revolting really, and scary.  I'm surprised that I've made it through the amount of my life that I have with those images.  And I should've been used them by now considering how many I've watched.  Too bad life never seems to work that way for me, huh?

But as I sat there, watching the sun come over the horizon of the Forbidden Forest, the door creaked.  Which scared the bloody hell out of me considering I thought it was Filch and that blasted cat of his.  But to my surprise, it wasn't.  Instead it was Draco.  It didn't seem like he was paying attention to where he was, or where he was going for that matter, because he just walked right in and sat in another seat about ten feet away from me.

~*~**_ I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll  
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds  
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to  
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved  
And I _**~*~

"What are you doing up, Potter?" he asked, startling me even more than I already was.  "Isn't the wizarding world's savior supposed to be sleeping and catching up on his rest for that big battle of ours?"

'_Always the cocky one,_' I thought bitterly.  "Oh sod off, Malfoy.  And besides, why aren't you in bed?  Or are you wimping out on us and running away so you don't get your precious arse hurt?"  I always was the one for smartass comebacks when I was never in the mood for out little bickers.

"I'm seriously not in the mood for another bicker."  I swear, he read my mind.  "I just want some peace and quiet."

"And you couldn't get that back in your dorms?"

"Not when you have Grabbe and Goyle sleeping in the same dorm room as you."

I couldn't help but snicker as his comment.  I knew he was getting sick of them and all.  But could they seriously be that loud, even when they sleep?... Actually, come to think of it, they could probably be louder.

"So seriously, Potter.  Why are you up so early?  I figured you'd want your sleep."

I looked back out the window, once again watching the dawn.  "I just couldn't sleep anymore.  Too much going around, I guess..."

I could sense Draco staring at me, almost as though debating what he could possibly be thinking.  And when I heard the chair that he was sitting in move slightly, and his footsteps coming closer to me, you could see how surprised I was to see him taking a seat next to me at the windowsill.  But for some strange reason... I didn't mind.  It felt... almost reassuring.  I know, it's strange.  But hey, have you ever known me to be normal?

We were quiet for a few moments.  Just relishing in the fact that we had actually found someone who would be quiet enough to let the other think without feeling bombarded by idiocy.  I mean sure, I get that enough with Hermione and Ron, but... I don't know.  Not like this, I guess.  This was just... different.  Ok, so it's hard to explain.  But not everything is easy to comprehend, so why must everything be easy to explain?  It's just pointless... And I'm babbling, aren't I?  I seriously need to control myself on that.

After about fifteen minutes, Draco spoke again.  Surprising me out of my sudden stupor.  "Potter, mind if I ask you something?"

"Um... Sure."

"...... This war... Do you find it useless?"

I was confused by his question.  What did he mean by it?  Useless?  Of course I did!  Didn't everyone!?  But I answered best I could, without confusing myself even more in the process.  "I suppose so," I began, wording everything in my head as I went along.  "I mean, sure.  Who doesn't really?  All it's really about is a Dark Lord trying to over-throw all off the wizarding world.  And yet... I don't know.  I kind of feel that this war needs to happen in order for everyone to finally realize what peace is anymore, or could be like anyway.  That without it, people are just going to feel like they're a little pawn to be played in a large game of '_Reality Bites_'.

"Seriously, though, I've never been quite sure.  I have these ups and downs that just run through my head day in and day out that I've never fully formulated my own opinion on it... Do you get what I mean at all?"

"I suppose so.  Personally, I never really had one of my own either.  It's always been like 'find out about Voldemort', 'chase the death-eaters', and 'protect the infamous Harry Potter' that I've never really considered one either..."

"Why are you fighting in this war, Malfoy?" I asked without even realizing I had said it.

Draco looked up at me, his eyes ablaze with fury.  And what he said to me, I never expected.  "Why do you?  Why do you continue to be the-boy-who-lived?  Why do you choose the Light over the Dark?  It's like one of those muggle phrases... 'Why is the sun yellow?  Why is the grass green?  Why does it rain?  Snow?  Summer?  Winter?  Spring?  Fall?'  Seriously, Potter.  I may be a Slytherin, but I'm smart enough to know who the winners are.  And who really I should trust.  Not some old crazed maniac who thinks that he can have everything and in the end will only eliminate his own self being by fighting some of the world's strongest wizards ever known to this century.  Think about it, Potter.  Do you _seriously_ think that I would take the Dark Mark and be one of Voldemort's little slaves who run around and do as he orders me too?  You've _got to be nuts_ to ever think such a thing from me!"

"I get the point Malfoy..."

~*~**_ I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you   
(away from this place I have made)   
Won't you take me away from me _**~*~**__**

I was shocked by all he had said.  When had Malfoy become an ally for the light?  When had he changed his mind about everything that he always said he believed in?  That he lived for?  It was almost too much to take at once.  But surprisingly enough, I felt comfortable knowing that we had him on our side, alleviating really.

I got up to leave, it really was getting late, or early, however you want to look at it.  And I seriously needed to get back to my own bed before everyone started to wake up.  But as I reached the middle of the room, I was stopped as Draco grabbed onto my wrist.  I turned to look at him, protest that he let go of me.  But the look in his eyes made me stop.

... I wasn't sure what I saw.  Was it curiosity?  Fear?  Anguish?  Confusion?  Or something else?  But I never did figure it out.  "What?" I asked as his eyes roamed through my own, as though he was trying to piece together a scrambled puzzle that lay in my eyes.

He shook his head.  "I was just looking..."

"... At what?"

He was silent for a moment.  I would've given anything to know what he was thinking.  He always did intrigue me about things like that.  "... I'm not too sure."

My eyebrows furrowed together questioningly.  '_What did he mean?_' my mind reeled.  But I didn't care.  One look into his grey-blue eyes, and I was hooked.  I just wanted to take him into my arms and ravish his lips under my own, and just claim him as mine... And that's exactly what I did.  But... not as rough as I made it sound.

Instead, after freeing my wrist from Draco's grasp, I held his face within my hands and pulled him closer so that my lips just barely stroked over his own.  His lips were cool, but never cold, against my warm ones.  And the contrast felt... accelerating.  But when I heard him gasp, I began to pull away, not sure if I should've even attempted that.  But as I was, he leaned forward, embracing his lips with my own again.

But the kiss was timid, almost afraid.  But I don't blame him.  I had only started feeling for him... I don't know how long ago and now here I am kissing him.  Something I would've never figured.  And I wanted more, but I didn't go any faster.  I may have initiated it, but I would only go as fast as Draco wanted me to.  And since I didn't want to lose the only thing that I could possibly ever get out of him, I just took in the moment and let him do as he pleased.

And when I felt his tongue slid over my lips, I didn't hesitate and my own lips part; my tongue met him half way.  We were slow at first.  Letting each other's tongues get used to the feel of the others.  And as the kiss became harder, he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist, both of my hands returning to hold his face in place.  I didn't want this to end.  It was so good that I just wished I could die then so that my last memory was that of this.  But I knew that I shouldn't be doing this.  That _we shouldn't be doing this.  We'd both probably regret it later... Or at least __he would.  And I didn't want him to hate me after the fact that I just got his loyal trust in friendship, and I seriously did not want to lose that.  So I pulled away quickly, dropping my hands to my sides as I took a careful step away from him._

I noticed that his breath was in short gasps, as was mine.  We both attempted to gain our composures back, straightening out robes.  When I looked back at him, regret began filling my eyes.  "I'm sorry…" I mumbled as I stared into the deep icy orbs. "I… I shouldn't have….. I should go…"

So I turned to leave... Not that I wanted to.  But as my hand reached the door knob, I heard my name; "Harry!" the voice called out.  And truthfully, it shocked me.  No one else was in the room, so I knew it had to be Draco.  I turned to look at him, almost sure that my confusion was radiating itself from me.  I looked into his eyes, noticing his deep breaths before he continued to speak.  "… Be careful out there… you know, when you leave to fight…. I know how they work. I don't…"

I smiled despite myself.  '_So, he really did care?_' I thought to myself.  "Thanks… Draco," I said back, purposefully slipping his name through. "I will." And taking one last look into his icy blue eyes, I turned, opened the door and left.  Willing myself not to run back into that room and just tasting those lips against with my own.

Ever since then, Draco and I would glance at each other knowingly when we knew no one else was looking.  We'd smile, then turn back to whatever it was we were doing as though nothing ever happened.  We even made civil conversations around others without having to want to tear the other's throat out.  We'd mainly talk about the future war with others who were to be participating in it along with us.  Time with him almost seemed... endless.  I know it seems strange.  But could you seriously blame me?

But then the war began, and the knowing glances had ended and were placed with placid faces only meant for this war.  Our civil conversations ended and talk about strategies had begun.  And I don't know why, but I felt out of place when it all began.  Sure, I was the-boy-who-lived, the ever-going hero who would save them all from the darkness and show them mercy to where they needed it.  But it just didn't seem right.  Like I just shouldn't have been there.  So, as a way to settle this uncertainty, I made a plan.  A plan to get out and hide from this rigid state of mind.  Sure, I'll help with the war until I'm not needed anymore, then just... leave.

~*~**_ Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins  
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed  
I can't go on like this  
I loathe all I've become _**~*~**__**

And even though I fought with myself to stay, to stay for Draco and hope he returns my feelings... But something inside of me couldn't live with the fact that if it wasn't for me, Voldemort wouldn't be doing all of this.  If I just had died when I should've, with my parents... then everyone who had risked their lives for me... they'd still be here.  Alive.  I just couldn't live with the fact that most of those innocent deaths were my fault because Voldemort tried his best to get to me that he went through everyone else.

I mean sure, you have everyone sitting there telling me it wasn't my fault.  And yet, the fact that because I lived... err; I don't even want to get into it anymore.  Just the frustration of it all is getting to me.  So, back to the plan at hand...

The plan was, after the war had ended, I'd get out of there before anyone even realized that I was still alive.  And by doing so, I placed everything that I cared for at stake because of a single being that wouldn't ever seem to leave me alone.  Just before the end of the war, I had made up a Polyjuice potion with my own hair and I would give it to someone else as the war ended.  But as the war proceeded, any hope for me to be able to administer it to anyone almost became hopeless.  I watched as Hermione was put into danger and how Ron had run in front of her to save her life... I watched as one of my best friends died and the other catch him as he fell... The scared look in her eyes as she checked for her fiancée's pulse and cried out in agony as she found none.

I felt broken then and there as I realized that people I cared most for were dying.  All because of this stupid, God damn war!  _Why did this all have to happen_?!  _Why did all of the innocent people always have to die?!  I just felt lie screaming, but instead I continued to fight, determined to finish off the little bastard who had started this all to begin with._

The war was almost over as I stood there, in front of Voldemort himself, our wands raised towards each other in defense.  He said a few words to me, probably words like "Prepare to die" and "Any last words?"  You know, every enemies classic line.  But I toned him out.  I was determined to make it through this so I could still get on with my life and not worry about him still being there to haunt every witch, wizard, and muggle that crossed paths with the monster.

And when I saw him swish his wand and yell out "Avada Kedavra", I instantly reacted, bringing down my wand and yelling the same two words.  I watched as the two green lights clashed into one another.  And I don't know how I had managed it, but mine seemed to somehow surpass his as it hit him straight in the chest, causing one hell of an explosion as his seemed to go directly back for him.  This seemed to catch everyone else's attentions as they saw the green light explode into a mad frenzy, giving me enough time to get out of there without being seen.  And when the light did dissipate, the shock that spread across each of their faces became relentless as they saw the ashes of what was left of Voldemort slowly blow away... but not me.

So the rest of the Death Eaters were rounded together and sent to Azkaban for life, each receiving the kiss; while the others who could still manage to move into the castle left for the safety of those grounds.  When I felt it was safe enough to walk around the deserted plains of the many dead bodies, which were so many that I just lost count, I got out from a small hiding place at the edge of the Forbidden Forest and went searching around for anyone who could still be even the slightest bit alive.  And lucky enough, I did.

It was one of the bravest Hufflepuffs we had in this war.  And just seeing the agony on the man's face made me want to scream... Almost, but I was smart enough to keep that in.  But I guess he saw me because he tried to speak, which only led to a coughing fit.  This man was dying, and I knew it... And so did he.  I bent down next to him, taking in a quick glance at his brutally beaten body.  I felt so much quilt and sudden pain for this man that I felt so sorry that he was still alive to have to live through it.

~*~**_ I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you   
(away from this place I have made)   
Won't you take me away from me _**~*~**__**

But when I saw the sad smile that he held for me, I couldn't help but give him the smile back.  Then I remembered what I was doing this for, and I almost lost the courage to do it.  "Look, I know you want to die in peace," I begin to say in a light whisper, "but do you think you could do me one last favor?"  I saw the questioning look in his eyes, knowing he probably couldn't talk without coughing to the point where he couldn't breathe, so I answered his unspoken question.  "Just between you and me, I don't plan on staying here."  I saw the confusion appear throughout his eyes next.  "Kind of hard to explain.  So I'll just keep it short... I want to be claimed as dead so I can leave and live a normal life and not be searched after.  And I was wondering if you could help be in this by taking a Polyjuice potion that will make you look like me.  It should last long enough until you....."  I couldn't say the last word.  It just didn't want to come out.  But he understood what I meant as he just smiled and nodded his head, letting me know he would.  I smiled at him, my own little silent thank you.

I took out the potion from my robe pocket, uncorking it.  I helped lift his head so he could drink it and watched as his face twisted and turned until he looked like me.  And truthfully, it looked weird looking at a dying me.  Creepy too.  I took out my wand, changing his robes to Gryffindors.  When everything else was set, I remembered one last thing I wanted him to hold onto so it would be seen when he was found.  So reaching into my robes again, I took out a letter that I had written the night before that said "**_Draco Malfoy_**" on the front.

"Here," I put it in his hand, so he could take hold of it better, "I want this to be given to someone later, so I might as well give it to you to hold onto until you're found."  He just nodded his head again, holding onto it tightly so he wouldn't lose it.  I looked at him a few more minutes, just watching him slip away.  "Thank you, by the way... For doing this...... You'll always be remembered.  I'll make sure of that, somehow.  And I'm sorry you had to go through all of this."

He only smiled again, his eyes telling me not to worry about.  Then I watched as his eyes closed, his breathing became steady...... then he was gone.  And I just continued to sit there for a moment, looking down at the still version of me.  But when I heard others coming, probably to look for survivors, I quickly ran in another direction.  I took one more look behind me, seeing that the others had found the copy of myself, the look of sadness washing across all of their faces.

I still needed to get into the castle, so I snuck in another way that not many people knew of and tried my best not to get caught as I made my way to the Gryffindor Common Room.  Lucky enough, no one was there, so I had no trouble getting into my room and getting what I wanted, which was my invisibility cloak, photo album, and whatever else I felt like.  When everything was in my bag, I pulled the cloak around me and descended to where I knew everyone would be... The Great Hall.

~*~**_ Lost in a dying world I reach for something more  
I have grown so weary of this lie I live _**~*~**__**

As I entered, I knew that Draco has received my letter because he and Hermione were sitting with one another on the middle of the room, just holding onto each other as they cried.  Something inside of me almost snapped as I walked up to them.  I almost hesitated as I bent down and wrapped both of my arms around them.  We sat that way for a moment.  They both somehow knew that I was there, maybe not in body, but at least in spirit.  When I finally felt like I had been there long enough, I whispered so only they could hear me, "You two will never lose me.  Ron and I will always be in your hearts.  Remember that.  I love you both, very much.  Goodbye..."  And then I let go and backed away.  I saw the looks on their faces as I whispered that.  But they both seemed to smile slightly at what I told them and just held onto each other tighter.  Knowing that they had the other to comfort them.  And I, myself, couldn't help but smile at them as I made my quiet exit.

I stayed until the ceremonies for everyone who had died.  Hermione received a metal of honor for her part in the war.  She also received Ron's plaques and metals of honor and bravery, as well as saving another's live over his own.  I could see the despair in her eyes as she accepted his awards and sat back down with Draco, whom she had become rather close to since the end of the war.  I wasn't the least bit surprised when Draco was called up to receive the plagues and metals that belonged to me.  When they were handed to him, he just looked over all of them, brushing his fingers over the front of a plague.  He slowly made his way back to his seat, tears brimming his eyes as he just continued to just look at nothing more than what was handed to him.

When the ceremonies were over, I took that as my leave.  I didn't even take a single glance behind me as I flew one of the school brooms (which I knew no one would miss) and disappeared over the Forbidden Forest.

~*~**_ I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you   
(away from this place I have made)   
Won't you take me away from me _**~*~**__**

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So here I am, sitting here and writing away about what all happened.  Long story, huh?  But as I was leaving, and even as I sit here, I promised myself that I wouldn't return there; not unless someone were to find me.  And I seriously don't think that'll happen anytime soon.  So now I get to start at the beginning again.  Start all over and on my own without having to worry about what was to become of me if I had stayed.  I mean sure, I do miss everyone that I had there.  And I always will.  But I'm not about to back down from what I had started the moment I ran away from Voldemort as he was dying.

I just hope that I have the bravery that I had when I began all of this.  And I just hope that I'll be able to forget all I had, all I cared for and go on with life...

Let's just hope I have the strength to say goodbye...

~*~ TBC ~*~

**_A.N._**  Here you all are!  Chapter two!

YOU ALL THOUGHT I REALLY KILLED HARRY, DIDN'T YOU?!?!?!!?!?!?!?  Well, some of you fell for it anyway... But I didn't.  So no hurting me!  I hope you all liked this chapter, though!  Question though....

Was it well put together?  I wasn't too sure because I wrote this when I was half asleep.  So most parts sound weird and/or misplaced.  And if it does, tell me and I'll fix it, K?  Thx!  And Please Review!!!  Ttylaterz!!!!!

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_THX TO MY REVIEWERS (**old and new**)!!  GLAD YOU ALL LIKE IT SO FAR!!!  __J_

~~~  Blue Rosed Dragon  @}:-


	3. I'll Miss You

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**_Disclaimer:_**  Let's see, claim HP and go to jail, or keep my mouth shut…  Hummmmm….  What Do You All Think?!?!?!?!?  ***_cries_***

**_Warnings:_**  None that I know of yet…

**_Rating:_**  Only PG-13 for language ((_will only change if reviewers request it))_

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**_Pairings:_**  H/D/Hr (_main pairing, but won't be till near the end…), Hr/R, H/OC, GW/BZ, SS/RL, SB/RL (_mentioned…_), D/Hr ((_you all don't like the pairings, don't read.  other wise, I encourage you!!!_))_

**_Feedback:_**  Would Love It!!!

**_AN:_**  Don't really have one.  Just that sorry this chapter took a little longer to get out.  My beta and I had a little trouble with one of the scenes in here that I really screwed up on.  But it's fixed now, so it's all good. :p

**_Ps Note:_**  The song in here is called "_I'll Miss You_" by Josh Groban.  The actual version of the song is in another language ((_don't remember what exactly, so don't ask…_)).  If I remember what language it is, I'll tell you all.  But I'll have the actual translation of the song at the end of the chapter.  Then maybe someone can answer me on what language he is singing in, k?  Thx everyone for being patient with me and I'm glad you like the story so far!  ***_smile_***

**_Note for last chapter reviewers:_**  I know, you all want to go on with the story and I'm doing nothing to help you guy with that at this moment.  But someone reviewed me, stating a really good point about Dumbledore.  Kasey (_who was the one that mentioned this to me) asked that "couldn't Dumbledore see through Harry's invisibility cloak?"  Well, I don't know if I actually said this or not in the story.  But Dumbledore, when Harry arrived, was not in the room and was taking care of a few things left for the Order and Ministry to fix up.  I don't really think I said that Dumbledore had done that, even though it was my intention to do so.  I was just having a small Wimberley-blonde moment.  It happens often with me.  So I'll forget these things every so often.  But if I stated that Dumbledore was still in the room, sry bout that and I'll go back and change it.  I seriously don't mean these things.  And if I confused anybody, SRY!!  But I'm gonna let you all get on with reading this chapter.  Remember, please review when you're done so I know what you all think!  Thx for reading!  *****__hugs everyone*_

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**_Still Have All of Me:_**  _I'll Miss You_

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**_//Harry's PoV//_**

I sighed as I finished with my last entry in the journal that I've held since the beginning of the war.  Since the war was now over, I had to real use for it, right?  Sure, if I really wanted to, I'd continue to write in it.  But for right now, I don't see any point in the matter.

As I was putting my journal away in my bag, I heard someone calling for me.  When I looked up, I saw what looked like a soccer ball head my way; which I caught with no hesitation.  The small children who owned the ball looked at me as they stood there, almost shocked by the fact that I had caught it.  

"Um, is this your ball?" I asked tentatively to one of the small girls there.

"Oh, um… Actually, it's my friend's."  She bravely walked up to me and grabbed the ball from my hands, a smile lingering across her face.  "She's just too afraid to get it, I suppose.  But I don't really blame her."

"Why's that?" I ask her as she returned the ball to a smaller boy who continued to look at me strangely.

"Well, for starters, we've never seen you before.  Any child will be afraid of a stranger.  Secondly… What are you wearing?  I've never seen anything like it before?"

"Oh…"  I look down at my clothes, realizing that I still had my wizarding robes on to keep me warm from the cold.  "This is just something that I was wearing for a costume party for a friend of mine," I lied.

"In February?"

I smiled at her.  "You'd be surprised."

~*~ **_I'll miss you, if you go away  
I'll miss your serenity  
Your words like songs in the wind  
And Love, that you take away. _**~*~

Suddenly, someone called out for the children.  The kids of course, turned and ran for the voice.  But the small girl stayed, probably from curiosity.  "What's your name?"

I saw the person who was calling the children approach us.  "Harry.  And yours?"

"My name's Keri.  Keri Wilson."  She stuck out her hand for a handshake, which surprised me considering the fact that this girl had bravery for introducing herself to a stranger.

"Oh, well then.  I suppose I should introduce myself fully.  My name's Harry Potter.  It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Wilson."

"Just call me Keri.  I don't like all of the formal stuff that Miss. Tatsukoi does when people come over to take one of the kids back to their homes." ((**_AN:  Alright ppl, you want to know what Tatsukoi means, read added note at bottom of chapter…_))**

I looked at the small child in sympathy, conveying the same feeling.  "You kids live in foster care?"

"Yea."  The small child looked up behind her to the woman who was now pretty much standing behind her.  "This is Miss. Tatsukoi, the person who takes care of us.  She's really sweet."

"Nice introduction, Keri," the woman replied with a soft smile.  "Now, little miss tell-it-all, why didn't you come with the other children when I called?"

"I'm sorry.  I was just talking to Mr. Potter, here.  He gave us back our ball."

Miss. Tatsukoi looked over at me, a curious smile lay across her lips.  "Sweetie, why don't you go back by the other children so I can talk to Mr. Potter by myself for a moment?  Alright?"

"Ok.  I'll see you around, Mr. Potter!"

She waved at me as she ran off in the other direction, where the other children were waiting for her.  "I'm sorry about that," began Miss. Tatsukoi.

"About what?"

"If you were doing something.  The kids don't really mean to disturb people who come around here.  They just can't help it sometimes."

"Oh, that's just fine.  I like kids, so it doesn't bother me a bit."

This seemed to please the woman as she smiled.  "The name's Jimena Tatsukoi, by the way.  But you can just call me Mina.  Most people, including the kids, do."  She held her hand out to me, which I quickly took.

"Harry Potter."

~*~ **_I'll miss you, if you go away  
Now and forever I don't know how to live  
And joy, my friend, goes away with you_** ~*~

I saw something flicker in her eyes; which, just as quickly, died down.  "You seem to be introducing yourself often today.  You mind if I ask you something, Mr. Potter?"

"Please, just Harry.  And no, ask away."

"Alright, Harry.  What are you doing around here, anyway?  Not many people come by unless they have a good cause.  Usually to see the children."

"Oh, that.  I was just taking a rest after _a rather_ stressful and tiresome trip."

"Oh, well… Where are you staying then?"

"Truthfully… No idea.  I didn't really have another place to live at in my life other than my school."

"Oh… Well, if it helps any, and since you were nice to the children, I can give you an extra room for the night.  I'm sure that Keri wouldn't mind since she seems to like you."

"That's kind of you.  But I don't want to be a burden."

"No, really.  It's the least I could do.  And besides, if I send you off, I just know I'll hear it from the kids."

I smirked at this.  "Alright."

Jimena smiled and turned around, indicating for me to follow her.  I was surprised that when she took a good look at what I was wearing, she didn't seem to even notice; or like she was intrigued as though she had seen robes like mine before.  '_That's just weird…_' I said to myself as I just shrug it off.  As we began to walk back towards the kids, something about Jimena caught my eye.  It wasn't until she turned around, probably to make sure I was still following her, that I finally noticed.  Her eyes…

They were a silvery-blue color.  Her hair even portrayed a platinum blonde color; the only real difference was the brunette color that spread around here and there.  And that's when it hit me… She reminded me exactly of Draco Malfoy, except without the "high-superior" attitude.

But how?  Draco, to my knowledge, didn't have any living relatives outside of the wizarding world, so how could this be possible?

~*~ **_I'll miss you, I'll miss you, because you go away  
Because the love in you is dead  
Because, because...  
Nothing it's gonna change, I know  
And inside of me I feel you_** ~*~

I pushed that thought out of my mind, thinking it as nothing more than a coincidence, as I was led into the kitchen.  "Please, Harry, take a seat," Jimena gestured to one of the chairs at the table, "I'll show you to your room in a moment.  Would you like anything to drink?  Tea, coffee, water?"

"Tea, thanks," I smiled to her as I sat in a chair.  It was silent for a moment as I heard Jimena set a kettle of water on the stove.

"So," I hear her begin, breaking the awkward silence, "Where do you come from, Harry?"

"I'm a traveler," I lied.  "I don't really come from anywhere."

"By choice?" she asks as she sets to cups down on the table.

"Preferably."

"Why don't you settle down?  Have kids?  Things like that.  Not as bad you might think it is."

I smiled at her.  '_Only if she knew…'  "I plan to, eventually.  I'm attempting to find some work, somewhere.  But from what I've seen, not many people seem to be hiring."_

"I have an opening here if you're interested.  I can't take much more of just working by myself with all these kids anymore.  It's getting rather hard."

"Why's that?"

"Well," she got up to get the kettle as it whistled loudly, coming back to pour some in both of our glasses then placing it on a piece of cloth in the middle of the table and taking a seat next to me, "I have fundraisers I'm trying to take care of, plus I have all of these children that I need to watch and take care of.  But if I don't get the fundraisers in order, I won't have enough money to get food for the children, nor for the bills to keep this orphanage in order, or for any of the other necessities we're going to need."

"I see your point… I don't want to be a burden, but if you're willing to give me a job here, I'd be more than happy to help you out."

Jimena smiled.  "Trust me, you won't be a burden.  And since Keri seems to like you, the other kids will warm up to you nicely.  And besides, it would be nice to have a little company."

I smiled at her.  "Alright, then I guess I'll stay."

I watched as her smiled widened as the load full of kids seemed to storm in.  Questions like, "_Who is he?", "__Is he nice?", "_What's he like?_", and "_Is it true he's staying?_" was heard throughout the loud noises._

Jimena laughed at them as she got up to get enough glasses for all of them and got out, what looked like, some homemade juice.  This seemed to calm the kids down as they all bombarded around the table as Jimena and I passed around their drinks.

"Hey, Mr. Potter, are you going to be staying?" asked Keri as she climbed up onto my lap.

"Yes, Keri, I'll be staying here with Miss. Tatsukoi to help take care of you all."  I could feel Jimena's eyes watching me as I explained this to Keri.

She was quite the cute little girl.  Her silvery-blonde, curly hair reaching just past her shoulders.  Her emerald eyes shinning with the youth that any child should hold.  And if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was Jimena's daughter.  And if she wasn't one of the orphaned kids, I would've suggested it.

"Hey, Mr. Potter, what should we call you?" another child asked me.

"How about 'Harry'?"

They all seemed to think about this for a moment, looking at their longtime caretaker for reassurance.  When she smiled at them and nodded her head, they all looked back at me; some proceeded to hug me so fast that I almost lost my balance, as well as my grip on Keri.  But I laughed at this, returning their hugs.

"Told you they would warm up to you."

~*~ **_I'll miss you, I'll miss you, because you go away  
Because the love in you is dead  
Because, because...  
Nothing it's gonna change, I know  
And inside of me I feel you_** ~*~

I looked up at Jimena, finding the mocking laugh in her eyes, but only finding a smirk across her lips.

"Yes, well, if they don't run while they still can, I'm gonna start ticking them all!"

This made the kids scream in excitement as they began scattering away around the house, laughing with each other as they attempted not to run into each other.

I stood and walked up next to Jimena.  "So, where can I put my things?" indicating to my robes and bag that I laid on the table.

"Just leave them here; we'll take care of it later."  I heard her laugh gently.  "But right now, we have kids to chase."

"Ah, yes!"  I quickly deposited my things on the table, then ran behind Jimena to chase after the kids who were, by now, laughing so hard it was hard for them to get away as we gently tackled them and tickled who we could.

**_//at Hogwarts; Hermione's PoV//_**

It has been about five weeks since the final battle, and still no one has fully recuperated to the way things used to be.  Although, who could really blame them.  I lost my fiancée, Draco lost Harry, everyone lost friends and family… But hey, we gained something in the process, right?  Our freedom!

… But right now I just wish I could say "Screw Freedom!  I want Harry and Ron back!!!"  But I can't.  _Damn_ fate!  _Damn_ war!  _Damn_ the wizarding world!  Why couldn't things, _for once_, turn out the way people wanted them to be!?  **_Just once_!!!  But now, we have to suffer because of some Dark wizard who thought he was better than everyone else.  So in the process of destroying him, we lost the people we loved most and now have to deal with the loss and consequences.**

I just want Harry and Ron back.  I want the man I loved and my best friend back by my side so that way I have something to live for other than just… this!  Whatever "_this" is!  Sure, I have Draco.  He's become one hell of a friend after the war.  But he's not Ron.  I loved Ron, more than anything!  And I lost him because he had to take the shot for me!  Why Ron?!  Why did you have to do that?!  I loved you, and you left me here with nothing!... I just want them back… I miss them so much!_

I want Harry here to laugh with me when I need someone.  And I want Ron here to hold me like he used to, and tell me he loves me and would always be here for me when I need him…

~*~ **_I'll miss the immensity  
Of our days and nights, us together  
Your smiles when it's getting dark  
Your being naive like a little girl_** ~*~

**_Damn Voldemort!_**  If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him.  He destroyed so many lives.  Even Draco lost more than he can seem to handle at the moment.  I mean, every single day since Draco could finally stop crying over Harry's death (which is a real shocker considering you never see a Malfoy cry…), all he ever seems to do is keep to himself and sit by the window in our room.  Just staring out towards the sky, that is when he wasn't looking down at the spot where Harry was said to be found.  Sure, he's starting to open up to us again, mainly only me and Ginny since we both lost people so close to us.  But even now, he'll sit there at that windowsill and just silently cries to himself until he would finally break down in sobs, and either me, Ginny, or both would go over and comfort him.  And he would return that back to us when we needed it.

And I think that throughout the whole time we've been together, we've slowly learned to let go of the past and move on.  Even if it does hurt more than anything…

And now I sit here, crying to the sadness that has wilted the pieces of my heart that both Ron and Harry have held.  But yet, in the process, another piece is being forged as I become close to Draco and Ginny.  And even though they aren't the two who have been there for me since the beginning of everything… they're still there.  And I think that because we have gone through the same things, we'll always be there for the other.  Even if we were enemies from day one.

But I think all that really matters right now is having the other there for as long as we possibly can because we finally did learn that the saying "_Hold on to what you have while you can, because you don't know what you've got till it's gone_" really is true.  Because we lost the things we loved, and we didn't even know how much we truly did love them… until we lost them all…..

~*~ **_I'll miss you, my love  
I look at myself and I find emptiness inside of me  
And joy, my friend, goes away with you_** ~*~

_~ TBC~_

**_AN:_  There you all go!!!  Yeah!  I updated!!!  *****_throws confetti_* Like I said, sorry it took so long to update.  And sorry that this is such a short chapter.  But I didn't want to have nething else happen just yet.  But there will be more of what life is like for some ((_just not everyone yet)) now that the war is over in the next chapter.  K?  Promise!  Please review and tell me what y'all think!!!!!  Thx!!!!!!_**

Here's the translation to Josh Groban's song, "_I'll Miss You_".

**_Mi Mancherai (I'll Miss You)_**

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**_Mi mancherai se te ne vai  
Mi mancherà la tua serenità  
Le tue parole come canzoni al vento  
E l'amore che ora porti via_**

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**_Mi mancherai se te ne vai  
Ora per sempre non so come vivere  
E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te_**

**_Mi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai via  
Perchè l'amore in te si è spento  
Perchè, perchè...  
Non cambierà niente lo so  
E dentro sento te _**

**_Mi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai via  
Perchè l'amore in te si è spento  
Perchè, perchè...  
Non cambierà niente lo so  
E dentro sento te _**

**_Mi mancherà l'immensità  
Dei nostri giorni e notti insieme noi  
I tuoi sorrisi quando si fa buio  
La tua ingenuità da bambina, tu... _**

**_Mi mancherai amore mio  
Mi guardo e trovo un vuoto dentro me  
E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te_**

**_Added Note:_  Alright, to all of those who were curious… ****_Tatsukoi_ is Japanese for "_Of Bad Faith_".  I was trying think of a last name to give Jimena, and Malfoy popped into my head, so I used "_Of Bad Faith", just in a different language.  What do you think?  Was that a good idea or a bad?  But just thought that I'd tell you so y'all knew.  Ttylaterz!!!_**

~~~  Blue Rosed Dragon  @};-


	4. It'd Hard Letting You Go

**_AN:_** Aight, shocker for you all!! I'VE ACTUALLY UPDATED!!! Hahahaha… I know, I'm nuts. Took me a while year, but I managed! Sry it took that long, btw. Been busy around here and with my new classes and everything, it's been hard to do anything. Hell, I even forgot about anything I was writing until a couple of weeks away when I was looking through files on my computer and had the urge to write again when I saw my stories that I had unfinished. And since I was reposting another of my stories, I figured I'd at least update this one cause this was one of my fave stories that I was writing. I just hope ppl still like it after a year's gone by. Eh, I suppose I'll find out soon enough, huh? Sry again for taking so long! But thx to the ppl who've been nice enough to send emails every so often to remind me to update! Appreciate it!! hugs to you all Enjoy this chapter!

**_Disclaimer:_** Own not-ta!! :p

* * *

**Still Have All of Me:**

_**''5 months later; Harry's PoV''**_

As I woke to the sound of birds chirping in my open window and the smell of sausage roaming throughout the house, I could hear the small noises of children playing, most likely from outside. I pulled myself out of bed as my feet carried me over to the open window. As I gazed out, I found Keri, another little girl named Alex, and a little boy named Nathaniel. They were cute little kids. That is, when they weren't trying to pulverize you.

I sighed as I turned from the window and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where I was greeted with two happy little "Hello's" as Keri and Alex quickly ran into the room and back outside to play. I laughed at their childish antics as I was then greeted by Jimena.

"Mornin', Harry. Have a good sleep."

"Better than most," I replied as I took the offered morning coffee from her hands. "How 'bout yourself?"

"Same."

We walked out to the porch to watch over the kids that were currently awake and already playing in the day's sun. When we took a seat, we were both quiet at first, our eyes watching over the three children. "What's on your mind, my dearest Harry?" she asked me calmly, almost surprising me from the sudden disturbance of silence.

"Huh?... Oh, nothing really. Just thinking about something that I've been contemplating, s'all."

"Ah, I see's… And what might that be?"

"… Could I ask you something?"

"Sure, I guess. But I can't guarantee I'll have an answer for you."

"… Do you think I'd be any good as a father?"

"What?" she looked at me, surprise evident through her confused features. "Harry, where the hell did that question come from?"

"Oh, how supportive of you…"

"You know what I meant, Harry!"

"I know, I know…" I sighed. '_This is much harder than I thought…_' "It's just that… Well…"

"Let me guess," interrupted Jimena, "You had an interest in adopting one of the kids?... Falling in love with them and can't even keep them. Whatever am I going to do with you, Mr. Potter?"

"Oh, you're quite the funny gal today."

"I try… So, let's take a gander at who you would _possibly_ want to adopt…" '_Smartass,_' I thought to myself as she purposefully set a finger on her chin to think. "Let's see, the only one who comes to mind happens to be… her!" Jimena pointed out towards Keri, who was still playing a game of tag around the front yard. "So, how was I on my suspicions?"

"Quite good, actually."

"Keri would love that idea, ya know? Especially since she seems to be quite fond of you out of everyone else that she's met."

"That's always reassuring…"

"… So, you want our dearest little Keri over there to become the next Potter of this day and age, huh?"

I took a glance at Jimena, almost sensing another meaning in those words. "So to speak…"

Jimena looked over at me and smiled. "I think that's a great idea! I was beginning to wonder when it would sink through that thick skull of yours!"

"Oh, the laugh riot you are today, aren't you?"

"Only towards you!"

**>It ain't no fun lying down to sleep  
>And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep  
>I wish the stars up in the sky would all just call in sick  
>And the clouds would take the moon out on some one-way trip **

We laughed with each other, while Jimena gained the attention of Keri. "What?" asked Keri as she stood in front of us.

"Harry, I believe you should tell her…" mumbled Jimena as she stood.

"And where will you be?" I asked her as she called the kids inside.

"Finishing up breakfast for everyone. Unless you want me to starve them to death?"

I snickered as she disappeared into the house, then paid my attention back to Keri, who continued to stare at me with curiousness in her eyes. "What is it, Harry?"

"Well, Keri…… You remember how you always wanted a mum or dad?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well… how would you like it if I adopted you then?"

Keri was silent for a moment, a grin climbing its way to her angelic face. "Really?"

I smiled back at her. "Really… What do you say?"

Keri giggled and flung her arms around me, almost screaming a loud, "Yes!" in my ear. This only made me laugh as I returned her sudden hug. When she let go, she ran into the house, yelling, "Harry's gonna be my new daddy!" Earning many other screams and laughs from the other kids.

When I walked in, I found Keri and a few other kids jumping around, circling Jimena every once in a while whenever she had walked by. "Harry, calm your daughter!" Jimena yelled at me playfully, a smile lying across her face.

I chuckled at her and Keri ran towards me. Taking her up into my arms, I strolled over to Jimena. "Need any help?" I asked her as she took some freshly made scrambled eggs off the stove.

"Sure, get some more plates out for me and set them around the table, would you? I'll be out in a minute with the food."

"Alright. Wanna help Keri?"

"Yeah!"

Keri quickly jumped out of my arms, taking the few plates that I had taken out of the cabinets, and cautiously walked to the table with them. She proceeded to do this with every pile of plates I took out until there were none left, then again resumed on the silverware and cups. As she did this, I helped Jimena take out the sausage she had made prior to and placed them in the middle of the table.

(**_A.N. Just so you all know, this scene is kinda whacked up b/c I couldn't get the scene out like I wanted to. So if it's really dull or stupid, or whatnot, sorry! But just play along wit me, k? Thx!_**)

When breakfast was done, I followed Jimena to another room, while the kids ran around the house playing hide and seek. When we reached the office where Jimena or myself talked with visitors about the kids, Jimena took a seat behind the desk while I sat in the one in front of her.

When she took out the stack of papers meant for adopting, my heart began to race slightly as the realization of my adopting Keri hit me full force like a blow to the head. We sat there silently, me looking down at the papers that lay under Jimena's crossed hands.

"Are you sure, Harry?" she asked, once again scaring me from the sudden onslaught of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I ask that to everyone, you know this. So don't take offence to it. It's just my way of knowing the person isn't going to back out. That's all."

"… Oh, well… I'm sure. So there's no point in asking that, now is there."

"I suppose not…" Keri looked down at the papers and took out a pen. "Ok, all I need to do is ask you a few questions, then you can sign and Keri is all yours. Like you don't already know this anyway." I smiled at that knowingly and nodded my head. "Alright… First of, your full name?"

"Harold James Potter."

"Date of birth?"

"31 July, 1980." (**_A.N. It is 1980, right?? Gah! I feel stupid today… hahaha._**)

"Schooling?"

"Graduated."

"From?"

"… High School."

I almost missed the small smirk that brushed across her lips, but then quickly disappeared… Almost…

"Any criminal history on record?"

"Unless you call fighting on and off with your worst enemy in school a criminal record, then no."

I heard Jimena chuckle at my statement, but resumed her questioning. This seemed to go on for awhile, just questions that any adoption agency would ask. It wasn't until the question of "_Are there any living relatives that would be able to watch over the child incase of your absence for any known reasons?_" did I stare at her blankly before I quietly, and unsurely, answered, "Um… You?"

"You know I don't count in this situation, Harry. Now please, answer the question."

"Um… Then no."

"And would you care to answer why?"

"My parents… they, um…" '_Quick, Harry! Think of something, fast!_' "… They died…" '_Smooth there, Potter…_'

"I'm sorry to hear that… May I inquire as to why?"

**>I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend  
>But somehow they drove me back here once again  
>To the place I lost at love, the place I lost my soul  
>I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home **

I sat there, stunned for a moment, for the first time not having a sufficient answer for of her questioning. '_I don't want to lie… but I can't necessarily answer the truth. I'll blow _everything'

"Harry, answer the question, please."

"Why do you need to know that?"

"Because it's a standard question."

"Like hell…"

"What?"

"Mina, I don't understand why you need to know anything like _that_ about my parents?"

"Harry…?"

"Why, Jimena?!"

"Harry, what has gotten into you?! It's just a question that needs to be asked of every person who wishes to take a child from my care. It's not like it's going to be giving away some deep, dark secret about you that you don't want everyone to know! So I don't see what you're getting so hyped up about!" When I didn't answer her still, her eyes narrowed at me. "What is there to hide about you or your parents, Harry that could be so bad?"

"It's nothing that you need to worry about."

"Like hell I don't! Keri's one of the kids in my care! I need to know these things, damn it!"

"And you're asking me what the hell has gotten into me?! What the hell has gotten into you!?"

"If you aren't going to tell me, Harry, I can't allow you to adopt Keri!"

"What? Why the hell not?!"

"Because if you can't tell me a simple answer to a simple question, there sure as hell is no way I'm going to trust you in having Keri being taken care of in your supervision!"

"… Jimena, what are you getting at?!"

"Look, would you just answer the question, Harry?"

"Not until you tell me where you're getting at with all of this?!"

I heard Jimena sigh as she closed her eyes to gain control of her sudden anger. "Look, I'm just making sure that Keri is taken care of. I love that kid like she were my own and I'm not about to let just anybody take her for fear that she'll be thrown out like any other dumbass parent would do!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Mina?" Jimena only sighed again, burying her face in her hands. Then it hit me… "What are you hiding, Mina?" I whispered to her suspiciously.

She looked up over her hands, her eyes boring into mine like fire. "What are _you_ hiding, Harry Potter?" she asked so quietly that I almost didn't hear her. When I didn't answer her, Jimena sighed and stood from her seat, looking out the window and down at some of the kids who took the game of "hide-and-seek" outside. "Are you ever going to answer me, Harry?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

She turned to look at me, determination swimming through her clear blue eyes. "I _mean_, Harry," her voice was low as she walked back to the desk, the palms of her hands lying flat on top of the papers that were previously being filled out, "is _who_ are you? Really? ... Or more of, _what_ are you exactly?" I looked at her in confusion, fear that she knew who I really was ringing in my head. "No scar like that," she indicated to the one on my forehead, "doesn't just come from nowhere, Harry. I want to know why you're hiding."

"…… Specify, what do you mean?" I tried stalling, but I wasn't getting too far.

"Why are you hiding from who you are, _Harry Potter_? …" I flinched. "Still don't get what I mean? How does this ring a bell…? 'Golden Boy'?" Oh boy, this is not turning out too good… "No? How about 'the boy-who-lived?'" Damn. "Or, my personal favorite from the rumors I've heard, 'the boy-who-never-seemed-to-die'? That one still working strong for you, I see."

'_Oh shit…_' I repeated in my head. "H... H…… How did you know?"

**>It would all have been so easy  
>If you'd only made me cry  
>And told me how you're leaving me  
>To some organ grinder's lullaby **

_**''That same day; Ginny's PoV''**_

(_Duh duh dun!!! CLIFFY!!!!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!! But don't worry, I'll be continuing the prior scene at the beginning of the next chappie, so just be patient. K, ppl? …_)

I stood there with a close friend of mine, looking down at the many lonely gravestones of all those who had died in the final war. A main couple in particular…

There, sitting right in front of me, was that of my brother's, Ron. I miss him terribly. He was always there for me when I needed him. Always the over-protective, yet blast of a brother. He was my favorite, next to Charlie. Who ever didn't help but love my brother Charlie because he was always with dragons was nuts! (**_AN: I did get the right bro on that, right? Brain Fart!_**) But definitely, Ron was still and always was my favorite bro. Hell, he was even the first person I told about my sexual preference. I mean sure, being bisexual and all isn't all that big of a thing, but you have to remember, it's me we're talking about here. But he was quite understanding. I mean sure, I still had my infamous kiddy crush on Harry, but I just seemed to find women just as attractive as men. So, he accepted it, no questions asked. But you know what I think? I think he was bi too and just didn't tell any one, that's why he was so keen to it when I told him. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Sighing, I turned my gaze onto the one next to it. "Harry…" I whispered silently to myself. Oh, how much I missed him. If you didn't include the small crush I had on him, he was like another brother to me. And I loved him so much because when Ron wasn't there, he was. He always backed me up in everything. Hey, he even saved my life in my first year to Hogwarts. I couldn't ever seem to stop myself from thanking him day after day after that. Even when I didn't voice it, I would always repeat it in my head…

How much I missed those two. Everyday after their deaths, I cried my eyes out. Although, who could blame me. If it weren't for those two, especially Harry, we'd all probably be either dead or under Voldemort's ruling. And as grateful as I am to them, I just wish that I was in one or both of their places right now because they deserve to live and go on with the lives that neither of them will have now. I used to berate myself everyday after that. That is, when I wasn't helping comfort Hermione and Draco. Who just as easily reciprocated those actions. But I never told them straight out. And it wasn't until Blaise Zabini had caught me that I ever mentioned anything about it to anyone.

And yes, before any of you ask, I am talking about _the_ Blaise Zabini. She's actually pretty nice when you get past the Slytherin exterior. And she's opened up much more now since she's been with me, Hermione, and Draco. Hell, I've even come to like her as more than just a friend. And I admitted that to her. That's why she's standing here next to me as I reminisce.

And as I sighed again, I felt her hand grasp mine and squeeze slightly. I returned the gesture and looked at her, a small appreciative smile lying across my lips. "You ready to go home?" I heard her ask quietly, as though not to wake anyone in the silent graveyard like they were nothing but a bunch of children being laid down for a nap.

I looked back down as the individual gravestones, another small smile across my face as I lightly nod my head, whispering, "Yea… Let's get home."

I looked back up at Blaise, seeing the light-hearted, genuine smile that she always held for me. She leaned over slightly, brushing our lips together, before she guided me out of the graveyard. And taking one last glimpse at the two ominous headstones, I followed her back to the Burrow, where Draco and Hermione were waiting for us.

**>It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart  
>It's hard letting you go **

_**''Blaise's PoV''**_

I walked Ginny to the graveyard that didn't lie too far from the Burrow. She said she wanted to see them one last time before we headed back to Hogwarts, where Dumbledore wanted us all to meet. I knew she missed them both terribly, so of course I offered to go with her to console her if she might've needed it. It wasn't much of a surprise that when we reached the graveyard, she went over to Weasley and Potter's graves.

I stood there silently, watching her as her gaze switched from both headstones. I could see how she wanted to cry, but wouldn't allow a single tear to fall. She had sworn to herself that the next time she would cry about either Weasley or Potter, it would be when she died and met up with both of them in "the afterlife". And if I have my way, that won't be anytime soon. I love the girl, and there's no way I'm letting her leave me anytime in the near future.

Yes, I just admitted to you all that I love Ginny Weasley. Don't be so shocked. Bound to have happened sooner or later if you ask me. I mean, I knew that I had liked her for a while. But I was never sure what to think of it because in my parents' eyes, if you ever did anything remotely sexual with someone of the same sex, it was a crime to all of wizarding humanity, even though it was excepted in the wizarding world. They were quite sad, weren't they? But because of them, I never told Ginny how I felt. I always kept it to myself.

I knew that I started liking her when she would go around with Granger and Draco, helping Madame Pomfrey with the others who weren't quite out of the shock of this whole war. I would help too, when asked or needed to. But I would mainly watch Ginny as she walked around and comforted the others. But the whole time, I would get a glimpse into her eyes as she faced me and I would find that she was hiding something back. But not letting another soul see what it was. I'm pretty sure she hid it from Granger and Draco that whole time as well.

And it wasn't until the day that I was walking around Hogwarts one evening that I found her, or rather heard her, in Moaning Mertle's bathroom, curled up slightly as she sat in one of the empty stalls. I was stunned, to say the least. Not once had I seen her lock herself away like she was here, telling herself a load of nonsense of the things she _never_ did and just cry to herself. Not even noticing that I was standing in front of her, just screaming to myself to get Pomfrey or one of her friends. Even Mertle was dazed by her behavior and just floated there to watch, not knowing herself what to do.

After awhile of just watching, I did something that any other pure Slytherin would kill me for. I bent down next to the Gryffindor, wrapped my arms around her, and held her as she cried into my shoulder. Truthfully, I never had to deal with something like this before, so I just did what I thought anyone did. I rocked her slowly, brushing my hand through her hair, and whispered comforts in her ear. This seemed to have helped her as she stopped crying and instead just sat there, with her head still on my shoulder.

What she did next shocked me. She wrapped her own arms around me, buried her face further into my shoulder, almost into my neck, and just sighed. I heard her whisper a small "Thank you", and I just smiled, tightening my grip on her slightly as her breathing became even and I knew she was asleep.

**>Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue  
>And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to  
>Well, me, these days I just miss you  
>It's the nights that I go insane  
>Unless you're coming back  
>For me, that's one thing I know that won't change **

Quite a few days afterwards, I seemed have made it a habit to find her there every evening. Sometimes she would be in the same state I found her in the first time. Sometimes she would just sit there and stare off into space, only to snap out of it when I walked into the bathroom. Ginny would sit there silently, talking to me like we had known each other forever. She would tell me things that I thought never ran through any Gryffindor's mind. Like how she told me that sometimes she would sit there and think of suicide because she thought that no one but her brother, Ron Weasley, cared for her. And the only one who ever knew, besides myself, was Potter. And I was shocked to find that the only reason she never did it was because she and Potter had made a pact.

I found that Potter, _the Harry Potter_, had contemplated suicide more than once in his life. I guess it was mainly because of his aunt, uncle, and cousin. But that just had shaken me right there because the savior of our world had thoughts about killing himself. I would've never figured that from him. Of course, I also thought he had the perfect life at home, so I shouldn't really be so surprised. But I guess he had told Ginny of this when she had told him because he admitted it straight back to her. But in response to that, Potter had said that as long as Ginny never went through with it, neither would he. I guess Ginny tried talking him out of it, but he managed to have her agree. I think that's why she feels she shouldn't belong here. And I can understand where she's coming from, but I can also understand Potter's point. I would've made her do the same if I were in his shoes.

I had made her tell Granger and Draco about that afterwards. Which had taken much convincing, but I had managed. Draco wasn't too happy and attempted to tell her off, but in the end only pulled her into a hug and told her never to think that again because he didn't want to lose anyone else. I wasn't too stunned this time around on how close Draco and Ginny had become. I had been watching the trio since day one. I saw how they started caring for each other so much. And I was happy that they had each other to comfort them. I just wished that during that time, I had someone too. But I won't get into that…

Granger pretty much just hugged Ginny as tight as she could (which made me slightly jealous mind you…), but you could definitely see the anger she held in her eyes. But could you blame the girl? I would've smacked Ginny the moment I found out if I was her, but I'm also Slytherin. So that doesn't help much in this situation.

After that, the trio let me "hang around" with them more often. In fact, we pretty much became inseparable out of everyone who was still in Hogwarts. And it felt great considering I hadn't been close to anyone since the war ended. And by now, that was eons ago. Good thing I never joined the Dark Lord, huh?

Shortly, as time went by, Ginny and I spent more time with each other than we did with anyone else. But I don't think Gra… er, I mean, Hermione and Draco really ever did mind considering they were always taking care of things that needed to be down in, around, or outside of Hogwarts. Plus, they were like brother and sister now, so they pretty much hung around each other by themselves just like Ginny and myself. And as I "hung" with her more often, the more that I felt for her. But since she never acted as though she was interested in girls "that way", I always stayed silent about it when around her. So you can pretty much guess how surprised I was when she had come up to me and admitted that she liked me. I mean, not just "like" me. But **_like me_** like me. Now, don't sit there and doubt me. I was happy as bloody hell. Just shocked.

I could remember how shy she almost acted when she told me. The almost shy innocence that radiated off of her was enormous. But the relief that showed when I admitted that I liked her back was outstanding! She just seemingly jumped into my arms and gave me one of the sweetest kisses that I had ever had in my entire life at Hogwarts. I swear, I was on cloud nine… And I wouldn't change that for anything.

**>It's hard, so hard - It's tearing out my heart  
>It's hard letting you go  
>Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart  
>And we'll find you somebody else new  
>But I've made my last trip to those carnival lips  
>When I bet all that I had on you **

We told Gra… Hermione (this gets really hard sometimes…) and Draco the day after, and they weren't surprised in the least. In fact, the first thing that came out of both of their mouths was, "We were wondering when you two would admit it!" And we all laughed. It was a great relief to know that our two closest friends weren't despised with us, and in fact knew we were to get together before even _we_ did! But, still… a relief none the less.

So here I am, with the woman I consider the love of my life (whether she agrees to that statement or not is beyond me…). And all I want to do is just hold her right now as she looks down at Wea… um, Ron's (no sense in saying that now…) and Pot… um, Harry's (I need to get used to this…) graves. When I heard her sigh, I leaned closer and grasped her hand within mine and whispered, "You ready to go home?"

She took one last look at each gravestone, as though letting her eyes memorize the names Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter. Then a single, yet small smile lightly graced her lips as she nodded her head and quietly whispered, "Yea… Let's get home."

She looked back up at me as I smiled at her response. I then leaned closer, brushing our lips together lightly. And when we separated, I could almost feel her take one last look behind us at the two headstones as I tightened my grip on her hand slightly and began leading her out of the small graveyard and back home.

_**''Severus' PoV''**_

(_AN: Just so you all know, Snape is completely and utterly OOC!!! For some odd reason, when I was making this scene, I couldn't get Snape's character right, so I just kinda wrote whatever was in my head. So if it's **Really** that bad, plz forgive me and plz be patient with me. K? Thx!!!_)

I sighed as I put down the quill and began rubbing my temples. It was currently ten in the morning and I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. I was too busy running around making sure a certain someone didn't go and accidentally kill anyone with his animal instincts. Not that I'm truly angry at the prospect or anything. But just imagine yourself chasing after someone who thinks that everything and everyone is trying to harm him when he's in animal form. Not easy when you picture it all together, now is it?

Shaking my head, I look over at the tired figure, currently resting on the bed that lay opposite end of the room. '_Never would've thought someone could look so peaceful after all of this…_' I say to myself as I continue watching him, '_Especially someone who's so broken…_'

Incase you haven't figured out (or if you already have…), the man I'm talking about is Remus Lupin. One of the men I almost loathed ever since my teenage years at Hogwarts. And even though he looks so peaceful right there, just lying asleep as though there are no cares in the world, he's actually quite shattered on the inside……

Consider this…

Remus Lupin, the werewolf who everyone thought was so strong and didn't have any faults. Or at least, never showed them. And yes, I'll give them credit for that comment. At first I thought he had everything. The perfect life (even if he was a werewolf…), no doubts, no fears, no anxieties. Hell, he even seemingly had the perfect love life. Which was one of the reasons why I hated him so… But no, he didn't even have that anymore. Not since the incident at the Department of Ministries…

………

Sirius Black… the mutt that he was. Even if he was a pain in the ass and someone I considered an enemy… he was always true to his word. At least he tried anyway. He always protected the ones he cared for. Even if he didn't know it was a mistake. And he always cherished the love that he had. He always took care of Lupin, especially when everyone found that Lupin was the animal that he is. But he looked past all of that. Which shocked most, but he didn't care. At least I can give that much recognition to Black… Even if he still is a mutt…

But when I heard that he fell through that veil… I knew Lupin was heart-broken. But he never showed it in front of anyone. He somehow knew that he needed to be strong. If not for Black or himself, then for everyone else. And I think for him that took a lot of willpower and guts. I still sometimes wonder how he managed it. But I don't ask questions that might not have any answers. It will only confuse things more than they already are.

Truthfully, shortly after, I thought he had gotten better. And it wasn't until he lost Potter did he seemingly reduce back to what he had been when Black died. I saw how it scared everyone as he seemed to keep to himself and block everything away from any single eye to see. It seemed as though he would eventually begin to cave in and somehow kill himself. But even I knew he was stronger than that. Even though he looked it, I knew he wouldn't take his own life just because he thought there weren't any other person or persons he thought would ever want him again.

And I confirmed that thought when I found him almost wallowing away, alone in a room where he thought no one would find him. And when I confronted him, he didn't seem to surprised that I had found him there… Which in turn, surprised me…

**>It's hard, it's hard, it's hard, so hard  
>It's hard letting you go **

_As I just began finishing with my nightly rounds around Hogwarts, I had come across a half open door that earlier wasn't opened at all. When I looked inside, I found Lupin sitting at the far end, looking out the window, with what looked like a potion within his hands. Which immediately, in my mind, reverted to the thought of it possibly being fatal. I slowly walked up behind him, Lupin clearly not noticing that I was there yet. When I was close enough, I took a quite glimpse at the vial and nearly gasped as I saw the label with the word "Strychnine" written across. Demonstrably a muggle poison. '_Where in Merlin did he get that substance!?_'_

"_Lupin… What are you doing?" I ask, shaking him out of his stupor._

"_Huh?..." he quickly turned to me, as though he wasn't surprised that I was standing there; just slightly dazed. "Oh um… hey Snape. What are you doing here?"_

_I walked up to him, leaning up against the windowsill he was currently looking out. "Oh, I don't know… I decide to take my nightly rounds to make sure that there is no one traveling around the hall at this time of night and I find you hiding away in this empty classroom with quite the nasty poison within your hands. And with the way you've become immensely distant the last couple of days and the fact that you've been sneaking around doing things I most likely won't like the outcome of, I find it rather disturbing when I add it all together… So, you care to explain and prove my theories wrong?"_

_Lupin snorted. "Quite observant of you there, Snape. But it's nothing that you need to worry about… Which, come to think of it, why do you care?"_

"_I suppose you have a point there…" We sat there quietly, just looking out the window. I, myself, taking quick glances at Lupin's face, seeing the great remorse that swam around his eyes. "Care to talk about it in hopes of you not making a stupid mistake?" I asked before I can stop myself._

_He looked over at me, surprise evident on his face before it disappears and he shrugs lightly. "There's nothing to talk about…"_

_Now it was my turn to snort. "My foot… But, if you don't want to talk about and choose to go along with whatever you happen to be thinking, I won't force you into doing anything you evidently don't want to."_

_Sighing, I stood from my position at the window and began walking towards the door, almost regretting and berating myself for walking away from him. Finally, he asks, "How do you cope?" as my hand just touches the doorknob._

_I was silent at first, not sure how to answer that. "I'm not too sure," I finally say, almost in a whisper. "I've never really had anything to begin with… So I don't know what, necessarily, I have to cope with."_

_He grunts at my answer. "You have no idea what you've missed in life then…" he says in an almost inaudible voice that was shaking slightly from his sudden amount of emotions._

"_Care to clarify what you mean, Lupin?" I ask as I turn to face him, finally. But he doesn't look at me. His eyes are still on the darkening landscape of Hogwarts._

_At first, I thought he wasn't about to answer, but then… "You should consider yourself lucky, ya know…"_

"_Huh?" I began to walk back up to him slowly, not even realizing it myself until I was standing next to him once again._

"_You don't know what it's like to lose everyone you had left of your family… To see them just taken away from you as though they're nothing." By now I could hear the tears that were fighting to come out, but he managed to push away. "First I lost James and Lily. And Harry since he had to be sent to live with his relatives… Then Sirius when he was sent to Azkaban. I almost thought I had nothing left after that…_

"_Then Sirius escaped Azkaban, I had Harry back since I taught defense… I thought life was actually going to look up. Even if Sirius still was on the run… But when I lost him…… Life seemed to crumble. But I sucked up all the energy and all the courage I had left because Harry would still need me. Even if he was the only thing I had left… I was still happy because I hadn't lost everything…… Until now."_

_Lupin snorted in spite of himself and closed his eyes. "Losing Harry was probably one of the worst things that could've possibly happened… Both of them… Both Harry and Sirius never got to live a life that both of them deserved. It was taken away from both of them far too soon…"_

_Lupin looked up at me as he said this, his eyes shinning with his unshed tears that he seemed to attempt to fight back but wouldn't listen to him. "You don't know what it's like, Severus. To have everything that you ever loved torn away from you because of one man. Consider yourself lucky… You won't have to worry about that since, like you said, you never had anything." He gaze reverted back out the window, darkness now fully consuming the outside. "You should cherish that fact because you won't ever have that nagging feeling deep within your heart as you let the ones you held so close go. Like Hermione said… You don't know what you truly have until you lose it……"_

_I was stunned… I wasn't sure what to say to all of this as the werewolf became silent as a few tears managed to finally fall from him gloomy-ridden eyes. I kept repeating to myself, '_How can he manage to live through all of this?_' as I sat down next to him, one of my arms hesitantly wrapping itself around Lupin's shoulders. His head laying itself on my shoulder for comfort._

"_I can't say that I understand what you're going through, Remus," I quietly whispered, unsure what quite to say. "But I know that both Black and Potter wouldn't want you to lock yourself away and slowly kill yourself by morning to death over their own… They both died for the cause, yes. But they also died saving the people in which they loved most. Black for Potter and you. Potter for you and his friends. So you have to understand that even though they are dead, they're still sitting there fighting to protect all of you, even if they aren't physically here to do it. They both loved you, Remus. So you have to be strong for both of them, and be thankful that they had the life that they did and are most likely in a better place where others aren't going to judge them for who or what they are… Alright?"_

_Did that just come out me? Severus Snape? The greasy, slimy git who treated all of his students like shit and never showed compassion? What is wrong with me?! But seeing the look in Lupin's eyes as he looked up at me with a grateful smile on his face made me glad that I had said what I had._

"_Thank you…" I heard him whisper as he laid his head back on my shoulder._

"_For what?" I asked confusingly._

"… _For saying what you did… I needed that."_

_I looked down at him for a moment, but smiled in spite of myself and lightly tightened my grip on him. My own way of saying "You're welcome…" But looking back down at the vial he still held in his hands, I nudged him slightly and asked, "Are you going to let go of the vial now, Lupin?" (Habits seem to die hard…)_

_He was silent for a few moments before he nodded his head and placed it within my awaiting hand. After that, we sat there for a while longer, until I noticed that he was asleep and carried him to closest room, where I stayed to watch him for the night._

**>It's hard, so hard - It's tearing out my heart **

Ever since that night, Lupin has much improved. He's even allowed the others back into his life without him feeling constant remorse for Black or Potter. Which I'm grateful for since it makes life always easier.

Sighing, I stood from my seat and walked over to the bed, lying gently down next to Lupin. One arm slightly wrapping itself around his waist as I saw his eyes open sleepily and he smiled at me.

"Hi, Sev…" he whispered softly, making me smile lightly.

"Hey. How you feelin'?"

"Better than last night…"

I laughed quietly at this. "That's good… You up to getting anything to eat?"

Seeing him shake his head in response, he came closer beside me and buried his face into my chest. "Sleep, Sev. I know you haven't gotten any all night since I could feel you watching me as I slept…"

"Couldn't help myself…"

"I bet… Now sleep, Sev. You need it."

After saying this, I could hear Lupin's breathing calm till it indicated he had fallen back asleep. Sighing and tightening my hold on his waist, I kissed the top of his head gently. Breathing in the fresh scent of his hair before I too fell into the dark reassurance of sleep.

**_>But it's hard letting you go_ **

* * *

**_AN:_** Any and all mistakes are my own. My beta moved and I haven't gotten a hold of her in almost a year. So I no longer have one and work on my own. Fun times! :p Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I'll try to update this again soon!! grins

Blue Rosed Dragon


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